April's testimony from being carelessly vile to gut-wrenchingly transformed

Hi guys. I wanted to share my testimony with you guys about how I came to be a Christian. I really want to reach out to those of you who are struggling and going through some really hard times right now. Or, those of you who are searching for answers, and you’re not sure how to get them. I also want to reach out to the body of Christ, because my testimony has a little bit of an inspirational piece about witnessing to those who are searching for answers, and [to] those of the world.

So I’ll start off by telling you about a little of my history. I had just gone through a divorce and I found myself in a rebound relationship. I was dealing with some heavy amounts of depression and I really didn’t believe in God. I wasn’t an atheist, but I was definitely an agnostic that was leaning toward atheism. I didn’t want anything to do with God and I continued to live my life in a way that was making my life so much harder. My boyfriend was a Christian but had fallen away from the faith because he had also gone through a divorce and it was very hard for him to accept. He didn’t understand why he had to go through these trials, or why he was going through these trials.

So we clung to each other, but at the same time we caused each other a lot of pain because we weren’t emotionally ready to be in a relationship and we seemed to be doing each other more damage.

And so over the course of the relationship with him, I began to realize that my life was out of control and that I needed help. I had been trying so hard to create a good life. And I didn’t know what I was doing, and I was seriously messing it up.

And there was a night that I will never forget that I felt so lonely. I have never felt loneliness like that in my [whole] life. And I didn’t have anybody to call. And I didn’t have anybody to talk to. And I think that it was more of that I just knew nobody could relate to me. No matter who I called they weren’t going to be able to silence this despair that was in my life that I was feeling at that moment.

And I cried so hard that I felt like I was going to pass out. And I cried for so long and finally I just cried out to God and I said, “You know what? If You are there, I need help because I’m messing my life up. I have a boyfriend I don’t get along with. I just divorced, I don’t know what I’m doing with myself. I have two children that I have to be a role-model for, and I’m screwing up big time.” And just from the bottom and the depths of my soul I begged for help. And I wasn’t even sure if I was praying to anybody. I was just so desperate that I was going to give it a try. I had to believe that there was somebody out there because I didn’t know if…, I knew that there was nobody [in this world] who could help me if there wasn’t [a Somebody out there].

So I prayed, and then my boyfriend came home finally. And I looked at him and said, “You know what? I’ve got to do something about my life.” And I told him, “I’m going in a new direction. And if you want to come with me, you can come. And if not you’re gonna stay behind because I’m going to leave you behind.”

And the next morning I said, “I want to go to church.” And we pulled out the yellow pages, the phone book. And we went and we were going through it trying to find a church. And finally we came to one. And we went to church that morning, and it was horrible. I did not think the pastor was a good one for some very serious reasons. And I walked out of there, and I was just… I mean I couldn’t get out of that church quick enough.

So … I decided, you know, I wanted to go to a book store. There was a book store a few blocks away, and I decided to go to the Christian book section, try to find some comfort maybe in some books. And somebody else walked up. And I was pointing to the Bibles and I thought, “Maybe I can get a Bible.” And I seen a New World Translation Bible, which is the Bible that the Jehovah Witnesses use. And I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, so I was like, “Ugh, I’m not getting that,” because it…that religion definitely warped me and led to my disregarding God in my life.

So this man walks into the Christian book section and says, “Oh, no, don’t get that Bible.” And I go, “Oh, I know it’s a Jehovah Witness Bible. But it’s kind of the same thing. Isn’t it?” At the time I thought that it was [the same as other Bibles] (because I had no real idea). And then he started to explain things to me and talk to me, and we talked for over an hour, while my boyfriend stood here and his wife stood there, and we were in a heated debate and discussion of whether God existed, and if He did exist was He a good God or an evil God? And I told him at the end, I said, “Thank you for talking to me. You know, not many people will try to talk to me about Christ. So I really appreciate that.”

And he goes, “You know what? Hold on.” He goes, “You should really look up Lee Strobel. There’s a lot of answers that he has. He has a… he’s very systematic in his approach, and he can answer a lot of questions that you have.” And he goes, “Hold on.” And he starts looking through the books, and he goes, “It’s got to be here. It’s got to be here.” And he goes, “Look for Lee Strobel.” And we started looking through the books. And finally I go, “Look”. And I seen it and I pulled it out, and there was A Case For A Creator, and A Case For Christ, by Lee Strobel.

And I was like, I couldn’t believe the books were there. And he told me, “I knew they would be here because there’s no way God would place me here to witness to you without these books being here. I just knew that they would be.” Because that morning he told me [that] at church they had…the sermon was about…uh, God puts you at certain places at certain times for reasons. And his pastor had a testimony about reaching out to somebody who was about to commit suicide, and later being able to assist in changing that person’s life around. So he goes, “I knew God would not have put me here if it wasn’t for a reason.”

So he bought me…he goes, “Let me buy you these books.” And I go, “What? No! No! No!” And I tried to decline the offer. And he goes, “You can’t tell me No. You can’t tell me No. And you know what? I’m going to buy you a Bible too.” And we went looking through the Bibles and he bought me my first Bible. And so he bought me A Case For A Creator, by Lee Strobel, and he bought me this, A Case For Christ, and he bought me my first Bible. This stranger, this stranger that I had never seen before did this for me. And I was so excited.

And within a couple of days I was reading my book [A Case For A Creator] and it started answering so many of my questions,  that I had been so misled on. And so this book started a fire in me that I have yet to put out. And God has absolutely continued to feed that fire in my soul.

And little by little my boyfriend watched me and he seen me change so drastically, and he followed in my footsteps. This man who had been so lost, and was going down a worse spiral than I was at the time, started to pull back and started to put the brakes on the destruction that he was doing in his life because I was setting a good example for him suddenly. And all the problems that we had in our relationship started to fade away.

And then I decided to get baptized. And within a couple months of these books being bought for me, actually two months, I got baptized. And that was one of the happiest days of my life. And I was so excited. And I told him, I said, “You know what? We have to get married because we can’t live in sin. And so he agreed with me. And we had a beautiful wedding! And we got married. And the day that we got married our love changed for each other. It was something I had never experienced before. And it was because God gave us that gift. He knew that we went into the marriage because we loved each other and wanted to make it work, and we wanted to live according to God’s word. He knew that and He blessed us. And that was something that I didn’t have in my first marriage because in my first marriage I just got married just to get married. And I had no understanding of God or of God’s plan.

So I have a completely different life now. And the man that I met soon after I left my husband, that I went through so much with, and at times I could not stand, a man who did hurtful things to me, and the man that I hurt also, we were able to change. God changed us. Now this wasn’t by our own, we didn’t do this with our own strength, by our own will.

I want to explain by no means am I promoting rebound relationships. I want to make this absolutely clear that the only reason me and my husband are together today and got married, is because the Lord changed us. Because when we were trying to make it on our own without the Lord in our life we were a hot mess. I was a hot mess. He was a hot mess. And we were doing nothing but sinning and hurting each other.

But when we found the Lord we changed. Our hearts were changed. And this is something that happens when you accept the Lord into your life. And Somkey [?] was so hurt, he had been so hurt before when it came to his faith. And he started coming around and he started thanking the Lord again and appreciating the Lord again. And I found a new faith that I had never experienced Jesus in this way.

I had experienced Jesus in a warped way that I was taught from birth, you know, as a Jehovah’s Witness. I was so excited that I had found the truth. And I still am. And it’s a fire that has not been put out. And it’s something that I know I’ve been blessed with because I see it in my life. I look back at the way I used to act, and it disgusts me. And I look at the way I struggle with sin now, and I’m proud that I struggle with sin and that I’m not OK with sin.

And so I wanted to read a couple of scriptures with you real quick. The first one is Luke 11:9. And it says, “So I say to you, Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock, and a door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives. And those who seek find and those who knock the door will be opened.”

And that’s exactly what happened that night when I felt I had hit so low, that I had no where to go that I prayed to God sincerely. I didn’t just say, “God show Yourself.” I prayed sincerely to Him. I prayed with all my heart and all my soul. And He answered me the next morning when a stranger seen me in a book store, and witnessed to me, and bought me some literature. It was awesome.

And the other scripture I wanted to read is 2 Corinthians 5:17.  And it says, “If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold the new has come.” And I read that scripture because I have absolutely experienced how a person can be so vile and so sinful and not even see it and not even realize it and not even care—and be changed into something new through the holy Spirit.

I’ve seen it [the holy Spirit] and I’ve experienced it because that was me. I was that vile person. I cussed, I lied, I mean I did so many things wrong. But the thing is that I’m still a sinner, but back then I had no problem with it [sinning]. But now it’s gut-wrenching, every time.

And I just want to point out that this Bible [she holds up a large book] came from my stranger, his name is Reuben. And this [her first] Bible he bought me was a little bit hard for me to understand because it was with the thee’s and the thou’s, and stuff. So later he said, “I’ve got another Bible I can give you. I don’t read it, you know, because the writing is too small.” So he gave it to me, and he dropped this off, this MacArthur’s Study Bible that I use so much, and it helps me learn so much! So he has been a blessing to me in so many ways.

And I just want to reach out to you guys, those of you who are going through hard times, believe me I’ve been there. I’ve been depressed. I’ve thought that life has no purpose. And I just wanted to lay down and die. I’ve lost so much in my life, and God has given so much back to me. I got a great husband this time around, and I’m so proud of him and I’m so proud of how much he has changed.

And I want to speak to those in the body of Christ: One man talked to a stranger in a book store, bought me some books with his own money, a Bible and some books with his own money, and he let God’s will be done in me. He took the time. He wasn’t intimidated.

And he just told me the other day, he said, “April, I’m proud of you…” because he’s seen a zeal in me. He spoke about the witnessing that I was trying to do. He said, “Remember, you are only responsible for the witnessing, and you’re not responsible for the change. God does that.” And that’s so true.

So if we could just get out there and witness, that’s as far as we have to go. Witness, and God will do…He will do the rest in the same way that He has done the rest in me and in my husband….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNw6SRxKf2U 1:09:43-1:26:15