Behavior versus The Saviour

The sermon was on behavior centered religion versus relational centered religion. Is my personal religion on an earthly, human level? Is my theology about looking at the Law, and my behavior in contrast? Or, is my personal religion on a communion-with-Jesus level, and on looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith?

And what if my attempt at the impossible has been the first religion and theology? Then I have no certainty of salvation because I am not under the power of Christ's love. I'm completely open to the will of Satan and have no barrier against sin. Then, what if I engage in helping others to be saved when I'm not saved? Some of the following psychology article may apply. But be choosy and always let the Bible confirm your picks.

The Savior Complex

Why good intentions may have negative outcomes

Posted Feb 06, 2017

At first, the term “Savior Complex” may have a positive connotation. However, when you learn more about it and the underlying motivations and impact on others, it is clear that this behavior pattern can be problematic. 

According to the blog PeopleSkillsDecoded.com, the savior complex can be best defined as “A psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.

Many individuals who enter into caring professions such as mental health care, health care and even those who have loved ones with addictions may have some of these personality characteristics.  They are drawn to those who need “saving” for a variety of reasons.  However, their efforts to help others may be of an extreme nature that both deplete them and possibly enable the other individual. 

The underlying belief of these individuals is: “It is the noble thing to do." They believe they are somehow better than others because they help people all the time without getting anything back.  While motives may or may not be pure, their actions are not helpful to all involved. The problem is that trying to "save" someone does not allow the other individual to take responsibility for his or her own actions and to develop internal motivation.  Therefore, the positive (or negative) changes may only be temporary.

The Second of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” This book chapter and the following quotes teach key concepts that may provide helpful guidance for those struggling with savior complex tendencies:

“You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you.”

“Whatever you think, whatever you feel, I know is your problem and not my problem.  It is the way you see the world.  It is nothing personal, because you are dealing with yourself, not with me.”

“Humans are addicted to suffering at different levels and to different degrees, and we support each other in maintaining these addictions”

So what are solutions for avoiding the “savior” trap with relationships and clients? 

Process emotions with friends, family and/or other staff members.

Set boundaries with other individuals that allow you to balance caring for them with trying to “save” them.

Say “maybe” or “no” before saying yes in order to give yourself time to weigh options.

Slow down enough to be mindful of choices.

Reach out for support from a therapist or coach in order to receive an objective assessment of your interpersonal issue.

Let your loved one, friend and/or client take responsibility for their actions.

Do not work harder than your friend, loved one and/or client.

Do the best that you can do to support the individual and then “let go” of the results.

Redefining “helping” and “caring.”

What does “helping” mean to you and for this individual?

Asking questions

Backing off

Simply listening

Offering action steps and coping skills instead of doing the work for them

Ask yourself:

Am I helping this person by avoiding natural consequences?

Is this decision made to keep them “happy” or for their overall health?

Is my action helping them to get better or me to feel better?

Am I being invited to help?

Do I “want” to or have to do this?

Now, let's get back to my blog. 

How can I be a Savior for others when I need a Saviour for myself? Likewise, how can I save myself when I need a Saviour for myself (sic, redundancy intended).

When the seven sons of Sceva tried to "help out" in the work of the uplifting someone who was oppressed by Satan the oppression jumped on them and tore them up. The good work was a dismal and painful failure. See Acts 19:11-17. Yet, Paul was not only preserved from the devil but his work was a positive blessing, and it advanced the kingdom of Christ.

We are never safe when we enter the world without the protection that comes with constant living under the power of Christ's love, which comes from a valid confrontation with the Law of God and the merciful intercession of grace from Christ.

Can we say the same lack of divine protection occurred with Dinah, the daughter of Jacob and Leah? She went out to mingle with the other girls in town, not to win them to the love of Jesus under whose love she wasn't controlled. The next she knew she was abducted and raped.

But Jesus the Son of God has always wanted to restore the broken communion between God and mankind, from the day in Eden when He cried, "Adam, where are you?" until He gave His last days church the promise, "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me." (Rev. 3:20).

Will it be "the Saviour" doing battle against our sins, us under the power of His loving grace? Or the temporal/eternal dangers that come to us because we fail to strive to cleave to the Son, but prefer to do our own anti-"behavior" tactics against our sins?

"Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able [when time is up]." (Luke 13:24).

"And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He that hath (G2192) the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life." (1John 5:11,12). G2192 echo "to hold", "have possession of", "contiguity".

G2192 is like Jacob wrestling with the Angel. "And He said, Let Me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let Thee go, except Thou bless me." (Gen. 32:26).

To have the Son like Jacob had the Son means to never let Him go no matter how much He commands it. To break that commandment is to have everlasting life.

Period.