“Oh, the unspeakable greatness of that exchange,—the Sinless One is condemned, and he who is guilty goes free; the Blessing bears the curse, and the cursed is brought into blessing; the Life dies, and the dead live; the Glory is whelmed in darkness, and he who knew nothing but confusion of face is clothed with glory.” Trailady

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A person God turned around many times.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

The God she named, "Love"

“Because [she] hath set [her] love upon Me, therefore will I deliver [her]: I will set [her] on high, because [she] hath know My name. 
[She] shall call upon Me, and I will answer [her]: I will be with [her] in trouble; I will deliver [her], and honour [her]. 
With long life will I satisfy [her], and shew [her] My salvation.” 
(Ps. 91:14-16).

The following is another example of the testimonies from people who have truly come to find Jesus. This testimony comes from Rose, a Muslim woman who recently found Jesus, who quit her career—along with her husband, Masoud, who also found Jesus almost at the same time that she did—and who now has a ministry with Masoud to reach Muslims for Jesus. This is a beautiful story from a woman who came to deeply trust and love Jesus at an early age. And the inability to have Him caused her much grief, and even suffering pain and sickness for not having His love. Her sickness was cured and her pains were healed when He filled her with His love. (Her malady is humanity’s, yours and mine.) Her English is somewhat imperfect, but I tried to transcribe her testimony as it came from her mouth, even with its grammatical imperfections. But a few times here and there I did add words for clarity that is lost in writing words because they are detached from the voice intonations.

“My story starts when I was 19 years old. So I got to the point in my life that…I got to the end of my life. I had a lot of questions, but I didn’t have the answers for it. So I wanted like I didn’t know why I was created. Why I came into the world? What was the purpose of creation? Through a lot of things that happened in my life I was broken, and in my heart was no hope. And I got to the point, I thought that, ending my life it’s the best thing to do, because I didn’t want to continue the life that I was living.

So I planned it and I decided to try and commit suicide. So a few minutes right before I do it, a thought came to my mind, and this thought told me, ‘You tried everything, why don’t you call upon your Creator? And why don’t you ask your Creator to come and reveal Himself? So, I thought to myself, ‘I don’t have any other way, I don’t have any other options. Why not? If there is a God, and this God has made me, maybe He can come and tell me why.’

So I started crying out in my whole being. I cried out with my whole being. I started weeping and crying, and I said, ‘God, who are You? If You don’t show up today, my life is done. I’m going to kill myself today. And as I was crying and weeping all of a sudden I felt the room filled with the presence of God. And a person walked into this room, and as soon as He walked to the room, and love came in. And this love that I was receiving from Him, it was so powerful. And it was so overwhelming that even my flesh on my physical body couldn’t handle it. I thought ‘I’m going to die’ because it was so intense, it was so powerful.

So I was weeping; I realized and I started getting understanding and revelation that there is a plan for me; there is a destiny for me. And I am not an accident. And God put me here. I may not know it now, but I will know it one day. There was this hope that came in. And I fell in love with this God, and I wanted to have Him. But I realized immediately that there is something between me and God that is not letting me to have Him completely. And at that moment I realized that it is my sin. And it was the sins I have committed. So immediately I started asking for forgiveness because I fell in love with this God, so much that I wanted to have Him.

So I asked for forgiveness and repentance. I asked Him to forgive me. And all of my sins from my life came to my eyes from the childhood, and I repented all of them. And immediately, I felt and I knew that I am forgiven, and I can have Him now. And the fear left me and I had no fear to give my life to God. And immediately I committed my life to Him. And I told Him, ‘God, I want You to become my God. I want You to become the One who lead me, who do I need to marry to, and I want to experience the unity and the fulfillment of my life with You.’ And I ask Him to reveal Himself to me down the road in my life, so I get to know Him personally.

So after this encounter my life got changed. I had a hope. Everything got beautiful around me. And I no longer wanted to commit suicide, even though I still had a lot of questions and I didn’t have the answer for it, but I knew that there is an answer for me. So, I called His name, ‘Love’, because I didn’t know what is His name. Because when He came into my room that day, He did not tell me what is His name. He just showed me His nature, His character. He showed me He is love, and He is not condemning me.

So years went by, and because I loved this God, and I didn’t know better, I didn’t know anything else. So I thought I want to show Him back my love. So I started to become religious, doing practicing all the rituals and doing my prayers, and the Islamic prayers, waking up in the morning and doing the fasting because I wanted to please Him, because I wanted to show my love to Him.

But no matter how much I did it, I could not get close, I could not have the same experience again. I never felt that I am getting closer and having the same experience…. So because I couldn’t even think that there was another God [beside the god of Islam], because I believed there was only one God, and I believed that God [who] came into my room is the God that my religion was. And I started doing all the rituals to show Him love, and at the same time I was very afraid, because years back when I got married with my husband, I looked back to my life, and I realized that everything I asked Him that day He gave it to me. I had received it. And I was afraid that maybe He’d get angry if I don’t do what He is asking me, and He takes away these things from me, not knowing that the love of God is unconditional, and I didn’t know that.

One night I was in the bed, and I wanted to go to bed, I started talking to this God the same way that I talked to Him that day from my heart and in my language. And immediately the same presence—it wasn’t the same encounter, but it was the same presence that came into that room similar to that—came again. And I knew that I can talk to Him in my own language and I can just have this relationship and talking to Him.

So my husband and I we got married, and we moved to Canada for the hope of having freedom and peace. Even though we had everything, but there was this void inside of us, that changing the country, changing the city, changing your friends, changing the environment around us didn’t help. When we came to Canada 2 ½ years later everything is all right. I had a good marriage, I had a great husband, I had money, the country was good, I had amazing friends that we encountered there. And there were Christian friends that came into our lives, and they helped us so much. And they showed us love and they supported us in a foreign country, that we never felt that we were alone. But when they talked about Jesus we closed our ears and closed our eyes. And we said, ‘We don’t want to hear. Don’t talk about your Jesus. Keep your Jesus.’ And I couldn’t reconcile that maybe they are so loving [compared to] other categories of people basically. I couldn’t reconcile that maybe it’s because of their heart for God and their God maybe. So, that’s why we started debating with them and we tell them, ‘No,… Islam is the true’, and ‘We don’t want to hear about your Jesus.’ Actually we cut our relationship with some of them. But this friend of ours continued with us and keep talking about Jesus, but our heart was closed….

2 ½ years that I was in Canada basically. And I was driving home, and I looked back to my life. I realized I had everything. But why am I not having peace? Why am I not having joy? I tried everything. I tried everything that the people in the world they do it to have fun, but I’m not getting anything, I wasn’t satisfied inside of me. And I was so broken again. That day all those questions that pushed me to decide to try committing suicide, they came back to me. And again I had no answer for them. I remember I was driving, and it was a fall season. And outside it was beautiful, the orange leaves and the red leaves so beautiful, but inside of me it was dark and it wasn’t beautiful. And I was driving and I went a little forward and see the sky, and I looked up to heaven I said, ‘Who are You? Why are You sitting up there? Why don’t you come down and become a human being like us? So that You can experience the life like us, so You can experience pain, so You can understand our pain, so when I come to You, You can understand? Why are You sitting up there and You don’t reveal Yourself? Why do You not come and why did You make humanity? Why did You create humanity to go through all this suffering and You are just enjoying Yourself up there?’ And I had no idea that day, I had no idea that actually God had manifested Himself in the person of Jesus Christ for one of the reasons is that.

So, I got home and I was so down again. And I didn’t know why I am sick, I was sick physically, and no one knew why I’m sick. The doctors told me they don’t know, ‘It’s a stress’. But, I didn’t have any stress. Until I got home and started to talk to my husband about God, for some reason. And my husband said, ‘Which God? I don’t believe there is a God.’ [I] not knowing that he actually right before I come home he started thinking the same thing ‘What is the purpose of life?’ So, when he told me that there was no God I was shocked because I knew there is a God because I had experienced Him one day. But [now] I couldn’t believe there is a God. I couldn’t show that God is real in my life. And he [my husband] couldn’t tell me that there was no God, because he couldn’t prove that to me because I had experienced Him. So my husband and I, we decided after the long conversation to search for ourselves, once for all, that we had never did this before, we never looked for God. We [had] never sought Him. So we decided to look for Him. And we made a little, very simple prayer. [This] was our prayer, that ‘The God who created us, if You do exist, if You are real, show us which way. We are at the point in our lives that we don’t really care who says the truth, we just want to know the truth.’

So we called our Christian friend and we asked him if we can go to church with him. So we go to church and there was this banner hanging on the wall. And I looked at the banner, and the banner said, ‘Joy comes by knowing God.’ And at that point I realized that that’s it. The joy is missing from my life; and that banner is telling me that joy comes by knowing God. I started crying and I realized the same thing happened to my husband, Masoud, and it was just a confirmation that we were in the right way.

We started reading the Bible. Like after one month my dreams had changed. I could sleep. You know, I couldn’t sleep before. Now all of the sudden I was falling asleep. I could sleep in peace. My dreams got changed. My dreams were peaceful. No longer war, or running away. But it was so peaceful. And one day we were coming back from the church, and Masoud said, ‘Have you noticed in the last one month only since we decided to look for God a lot of things has changed in our lives, and we have so much peace.’ And we were like, ‘Yeah.’

This journey continued and we started reading the Bible until one day it was a snowy, cold night. Outside was not beautiful, because it was cold; but inside now this time was so beautiful because my husband and I started reading the book of Romans together from chapter one to the chapter eight. When we started reading it, all of a sudden, I saw all the answers of to my questions it’s written in there, the questions that one time I didn’t have the answers and pushed me to kill myself. Now it is written in eight chapters of this big book.

And I couldn’t believe, and I’m like, ‘How come I never knew about this Book before?’ I never knew there was a book like called Bible. And on that night we were weeping and crying, and we felt three times somebody walked into the room, and the moment He came there was a revelation of what we were reading on those chapters.

At the time we didn’t know that’s the presence of the Holy Spirit. But we were filled and refilled with the presence of God. And as we were reading my husband dropped the Bible. And we were in Romans chapter 7 and 8. And he dropped the Bible and he started weeping and he said, ‘Rose, Jesus truly is the Son of God.’ And he wept and that hit me. And I started weeping. And we didn’t know why we were weeping for 5, 6 hours. And the more we wept and more we cried we got lighter and lighter. And that moment we realized, we remembered that Jesus also in the gospel asked the disciples, ‘Who do you think that I am?’ And Peter said, ‘You are the Christ, the Son of God.’ And Jesus said, ‘Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father in heaven.’ So that moment we realized what happened to Masoud was the Father in heaven revealing that to him. Because he didn’t know how he knows that, he just knew it. And so I didn’t go to work the next day and so we woke up. And from 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. so we read the Bible. Because we said, ‘We have to finish reading the rest of this book.’

And we continued reading it. And now I had more questions. ‘What do you mean like the blood of Jesus is cleansing our sins?’ And, ‘What happened on the cross?’ And we got to the book of Hebrews, and all the answers were there. And, but for me when we got to the first letter of John the apostles, to his letter, I started reading his letter. I encountered the same God that came to my room. Because I called Him, ‘Love’. And I didn’t know anyone else, I never heard that God is love. Until that day that I read it in that book that God is love. And it started explaining to me, and I knew that was the God that my whole life, that that ten years I was looking and searching for Him. And that touched my heart. And then Masoud, when we finished the Bible, Masoud asked me, ‘We finished this Sunday the part that one, this is where we are right now, what should we do?’ And in my mind I’m thinking, ‘Maybe we should go read the other religions.’ But my heart was so touched. I knew that it is Jesus Christ is the truth. And I prepared myself to say, ‘We should go and read the other religions’, and I was about to say that that something else came out of my mouth. And that shook me. And when I opened my mouth, this is what I said, ‘Masoud, I think we believed in our heart, but we need to confess with our mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord.’ And the moment I said it it hit me and I was convinced that we have to give our lives to the One we fell in love with.

~ ~ ~

As we were reading the Bible, one of the things that happened to me, it was the dreams that I had. And I started having the dreams of Jesus. And that was very interesting for me. Why Jesus? Because I had asked God to show me the truth. And now Jesus is coming to my dream. In one of the dreams that I had I was in an intersection. And I was on this side and Jesus was on the other side. On the other side it was prostitutes, drug addicts, the homeless people, the dirt, the sinners. They were there and Jesus was there hugging them, kissing them, crying with them. And He was with them. So, I was on this side, and I thought to myself, ‘Why is He among the sinners? Why is He hugging—He is a holy man—why is He hugging all those sinners?’ And I was like, this is weird.  And then I saw every person that Jesus hugged and kissed and showed love, basically they were happy, running away happy. One girl that was running coming toward me this side, so I stopped [her] and I asked [her], “Hey, can you tell me what’s going on here?’ And she told me, ‘From 9 years old I was like selling myself and I was in prostitution, drug addict, my life was messed up. And this man’—and she was pointing at Jesus—‘this man saved me and helped me. And He is the truth.’ And that was my dream.

Another dream that I had and that as I said, I was sick and no one really knew what’s going on. From head to toe I was in pain 24/7. And I had a dream of Jesus, that Jesus came and He smiled at me, and He told me, ‘Rose, you are healed.’ And I remember that I laughed in the dream. I didn’t believe it. And He smiled at me again and He said, ‘You are healed.’ And I woke up the next day and I had no pain. And it’s been more than five years now.”


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