Recall Notice

UNITED MANUFACTURERS announces a

MAKER RECALL NOTICE

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all manufactured units, regardless of make, model, or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototypes, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is termed, “Subsequential Internal Non-Trust,” hereafter written S.I.N.T.

Some symptoms of S.I.N.T. include, but not are limited, to:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Rough feeling engine
4. Erratic or sudden violent behavior
5. Sluggishness
6. Inability to be steered
7. Confusion and ultimate catastrophic failure in the onboard computer

United Manufacturers is providing factory-authorized repair and service FREE OF CHARGE to correct the S.I.N.T defect. The Manufacturer offers to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. No additional fee is required on your part except to bring your model to the Repair Technician. Please do so now.

Call your friendly Repair Technician at: 1(800) P~R~A~Y~N~O~W

When you arrive at your appointment, be prepared for your highly competent Repair Technician to kindly and gently help you upload your S.I.N.T. problem through a special procedure which He is very familiar with. Next, He will confidently and happily download the Computer Reconciliation code into the heart of your onboard computer. No matter the extent of your problematic past due to your Subsequential Internal Non-Trust defect your professional Repair Technician will replace it with:
1. A new and upgraded GPS
2. A finely tuned engine
3. Clean vocal emissions
4. Responsive handling
5. Gentle riding
6. Overall complete vehicle control
7. Owner patient with his model and other models on the road

For further details on the use and extent of the the S.I.N.T. repair, please carefully study the operating manual for your new on-board computer, Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (B.I.B.L.E.), which you will be provided when you bring in your model, or you may order it now.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without this freely offered correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. Government laws make this mandatory.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action before the expiration date will have to be scrapped. Units with the S.I.N.T. defect will not be admitted on public roads beyond the expiration date in order to prevent further endangerment to upgraded vehicles and their operators. Please do not delay your response to the FREE OFFER of this recall.

Thank you for your consideration of this important matter.
United Manufactures

Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice. United Manufactures may be contacted any time via knee mail.