Angela's testimony

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBKifqne4kY

“Hello, my name is Angela. And this is a portion of my testimony. I was raised in the Baptist church by my grandfather. I said the sinner’s prayer at age 11. My cousin had drug me up front, so I just went along. I was then baptized. I had attended that church for 16 ½ years. I was there 3 times a week.  I loved going. I always enjoyed going to church. I looked forward to it. It was the only place I found peace or any kind of happiness in my life.

At age 17 I stopped going. I had a lot of wickedness in my life, and it became worse. And I just really dove in full throttle, basically. Fast forward to the age of 23, 24, I had a child out of wedlock. I was a mess; her father was a mess. We were living together. And so we just proceeded on with life that way, as we knew it.

So years, several years down the road life was very chaotic. And I had no peace and no happiness. So the only thing I knew to do was to go back to the only place that I ever had peace, or any kind of happiness. And that was church. So I sought out a church that was just not too far from us. It was a non-denominational church. So I went. I remember pulling into the parking lot and telling God that if nobody ever said, ‘Hello’ to me that I would never go back again. And of course 3 people did; and at that moment that was irritating to me.

So I did keep going. And I met a few ladies and became friends with them. I had spoke with the pastor and told him I had said the sinner’s prayer at age 11, and had been baptized. So he told me that I was just rededicating my life back to the Lord. And I was then baptized again.

And I believed it because I thought since I had said the sinner’s prayer at age 11, that that meant I was saved. I went to all the Bible studies that they had there. I was there every service. Then a day came, and 2 of the gals came over to my home, and told me that I needed to leave my daughter’s father, and that I was unequally yoked. And they showed me the scripture. I knew nothing about that. So I spoke to the pastor, and he said, ‘Yes. That’s true. You do need to leave.’ So I did. I explained to her dad, we weren’t married. We were living in sin. And I was just repeating what they [the church] were telling me.

So, he wasn’t going to have any of it. But I did leave. For a while I had some peace in my life. And, looking back,  I believe its because I was not living in sin. But, other than that the only thing that had changed in my life at that time was I had stopped cussing. And in comparison to some of the gals that I had met at that church, there was no difference in my life compared to theirs. Never, when I was at home, never did I have a desire to read my Bible. I never had a desire to be in prayer. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t even pray. I would go to some prayer groups. And everybody would pray, except for me. I couldn’t do it, and I didn’t know why. So I started asking different people, basically what was wrong with me. And I would be told, ‘You’re just new in your walk. And it takes time to overcome.’ And I know now that those things are true. And then I was instructed by the pastor to attend some Christian counseling. So I did that. And still nothing changed. They, you know, for the most part, gave me truth. They all believed that I was saved. I kept questioning; but then finally I was thoroughly convinced that I was saved because they all thought I was saved.

So, I continued on with that church for a while. Then I switched and went to a Pentecostal Charismatic church. There I had met a gal, and there was something about her that was so different than everybody else. And I wanted what she had. But I couldn’t put my finger on it. So I had become friends with her, and was attending the Charismatic church. And I started then questioning people there, you know, what was wrong with me. And I had spoke with the pastor at that church. And had told him, ‘I had said the sinner’s prayer at age 11, that at the previous church, I was told I rededicated my life back to the Lord. I was baptized.’ So this particular pastor said, ‘Well, you are rededicating your life back to the Lord again.’ And I was then baptized in that church.

I then continued on. I went to all the services and I learned some more things. Each church I went to I learned some; I had some head knowledge to some degree. Anyway, I still was struggling. Nothing was changing; absolutely nothing. And things seemed on the outside to be better. But on the inside it wasn’t. There was no desire for anything. I just kind of went and followed the masses. But as I was questioning some of the people in that church, they had told me that it’s because I had not been baptized in the Holy Spirit. And I did not have the gift of tongues, which that was all new to me.

So, they had prayed for me. Nothing happened. They told me to have faith, and I’d receive it. With my head I tried really hard to have that faith. It did not happen. They had said that if I had had that [faith] that I would have all the power to overcome all the sin in my life. So that was a bit discouraging. I ended up doing some counseling there at that church, although there was one lady [Amy] in all the years that I went to the three churches, there was only one lady that came up to me during a service, and said to me, ‘Do you know Jesus?’ And I was very offended when she asked me that question. I was very full of pride, looking back, and I realize that now how full of pride I was. But I was severely offended by her question. And I looked at her, and I said to her, ‘Well, I know Amy.’ I guess in my mind, because I knew Amy to be a true woman of God, that since I was her friend, and I honestly believed that I was saved, that of course, I know Jesus. So that was my answer to her, which was very idiotic, looking back, and just how ignorant I was with the whole thing. So she let me be.

The speaking in tongues did strike my curiosity. So, I did look that up. I did open my Bible to look that up. And what I did find was that nothing in scripture lined up with how it was being practiced, in that particular church. Everything was very chaotic. All over the map. There was just a bunch of chaos and bunch of hype. And things were not in order, according to what the scripture had said. But I didn’t question anybody on that. And looking back now, it makes me wonder why I never even looked up the scriptures about salvation.

In those two churches in my adult life, all of the messages were inspirational, which was different for me. It did give you a ‘feel good’ feeling. But it was very different because it was very different from the Baptist church. The music was different. That was the other thing that I started feeling uneasy about, was at this charismatic church, the praise and worship was more like a rock concert. I attended enough rock and roll concerts in my days that nothing about that seemed any different at all. And people just running around doing weird things. So that bothered me some.

So as time went on I just grew very tired of the women running around half naked. Nobody seemed to have a problem with that. Looking back now that’s how I see it. Who was I to judge, especially at that time? But, no one seemed to be bothered by that. Now I, on one hand, didn’t run around dressed that way, being raised in the Baptist church, and just the family that I have, the women always dressed very modest. You did not, I wasn’t raised that way by my grandparents, none of my aunts, none of my family, they don’t dress that way to this day. Even though they are not believers, it’s just not something that was ever accepted.

So, the pastor was embezzling money; I still had so many questions, I was going nowhere fast, and I just realized one day--and this may sound very judgmental, and it probably is--is that I just looked around and thought, ‘These people can’t help me. They need help themselves, and they cannot help me.’

So, I left the church. And it’s been almost 10 years since I’ve been out of the church. And probably about 5, 6 months ago, I started watching music videos on YouTube. And I came across 2 different channels. One was ‘Erika’s’ and one was ‘the Bullet of truth’. And there was something about their words, and I was hooked right from the beginning. And the messages they were giving. And so I would watch them and watch them and watch them, and watch them. And every chance I had I would watch their videos. And I started looking up the scriptures, and I started paying more attention. And when I look back now I realize something was stirring because I started to question things about myself and what they were saying. And I started asking myself, ‘Am I truly saved? Am I truly born again? If I am, how could I have lived this wicked life, 20 years in the church looking no different that anybody else in the world, and do the things that I have done and lived the life that I have lived, if I was truly born again, if I had real salvation.’

So I continued listening to their videos, I reached out to both of them. They both responded back to me, and I went on with that. I kept listening, and all the sudden the blinders fell off and I realized that I was not born again. I was a false convert, and I didn’t even know that term. But I know it now.

And the day the blinders fell off I was at work, and I couldn’t wait to get home and get into my room and get alone with God. And so I cried out to Him, and it wasn’t thoughts in my head. It wasn’t a feeling. God met me in my bedroom. And it was from my gut [deep repentance]; and the grief and the joy, all at the same time. And something changed in me at that moment, instantly. And there was a heart change. And God had showed me that all these years I had always gone to man for the answers. I had never inquired of Him. And also that He had been waiting there the whole time for me. And I was completely deceived. He just showed me how deceived I was and how [deluded] I was, and how much I love sin. And also that I did know the way to salvation, but I always looked at it outwardly for everyone else. I never personalized it for myself.

And it’s just ironic to me that God used YouTube, two people that were very instrumental. I thank God for willing vessels still in today’s age, in this wicked world that we live in. And I will be eternally grateful. But it is ironic that God used YouTube [instead of the pulpit]. That still kind of cracks me up, but I am very thankful. And the thing is; now I have a desire to be obedient. I have a desire and a yearning to be in His word, and to be in prayer. I know what real conviction feels like, and I know what it feels like to deny the flesh. And that’s something I had never experienced before either. And I know now who my Deliverer is, where my help comes from, who my Healer is, where my peace comes from, where my comfort comes from. [God is] the only one that I can trust in. There’s never been anybody on this earth, or in my life, and never will be, that can ever compare. He’ll never let me down, and He will always be there.

And so, that’s my testimony, and I’m at the beginning of my journey, but I am so glad that God is longsuffering, and He is patient and merciful. So that is it. Thanks, guys. And be blessed.”