How nice it will be
How nice it is to not hear a hammer pecking in the distance on Sunday morning. How nice it is to not be disturbed by the roar of a tractor trailer or the blat of a Harley Davidson flying down the road as it begins a carefree day under the partly cloudy sky. How nice to have silence Sunday morning, quiet across America, peace on earth.
Everyone is going to church; no one is going to work. Across the land, the United States finally has arrived where the colonies failed—100% church attendance! What a wonderful day it is! Whole families going to church together, sitting together on one pew, listening to the priest or preacher give his homily and read a few verses from the NIV or Vulgate.
What a wonderful day. Church coffers are full because people are flowing into her doors throughout the land and doing what the state requires—give liberally—or the Internal Revenue Service will get involved. And pastors know the income of their parishioners because the IRS informs the licensed church treasurers. Finally pastors and priests and church conferences won’t want for funds. Pastors will live well off; community services will afford nice programs for the drug users, prostitutes, and disabled obese. What a wonderful day this is.
How nice it is to spend Sunday morning, not in Bible study, but worshipping God and Pope and country. Worship, baptism of the Holy Ghost, freely speaking in tongues and prophesying. How nice that no thought will ever weigh anyone down again that there is a world outside the church doors that is heckling us as worthless or crazy church fanatics. Or, at the least, it will be nice to not be ignored by the majority as they all go about their pleasure seeking on Sunday, oblivious of God.
How nice it is to have Sunday as a family day, a picture-perfect scene of families at church together, having a picnic lunch together at the park or beach, fathers playing with their kids, pushing them in the swing set or the merry-go-round. Just like the 50’s. Then they all go home before dark and watch some movies or sitcoms and go to bed. Nice, peaceful, perfect.
It took an act of Congress and decree from the White House and some deliberation by the Supreme Court, but utopia has settled on the land, and it was worth the fight to obtain it. What fight? How were all of the secular, hedonistic, atheistic urchins convinced to make Sunday a church and family day?
At first, the Muslims became a threat to our country. Islam was out-populating Christianity around the world and now at home in the U.S. Then, after some sword jangling, they tried to blow up our world trade center in 1993 and finally succeeded in 2001 by careening two hijacked planes right into the two giant buildings, knocking them both down in under 2 hours of burning; a third building fell also without being hit, but that must have been because, well, somehow. But we know the Muslims did all that damage.
And evidently there were Muslim terrorist cells riddling our fair land, like we saw at Waco and the OK City Murrah building. But our well-informed government was able to immediately locate the terrorists and publicly try and execute them. It was bloody mess to hunt down men and women and children, old and young who turned out to be terrorists. They looked just like normal Americans, but they were terrorists. Some of them made their confessions at Guantanamo bay; so we know they were all terrorists, as our president informed us. How scary that so many terrorists were living among us—our next door neighbors! How sinister of them to be so helpful and joyful around us! Now we know it was all an act to try to enlist us into their terrorism plots! How could we almost be deluded! I would never have suspected some of those people ever to want to be a terrorist. But that’s what happens when terrorism spreads around in a country and infects the very citizens themselves. Then no one knows who the terrorist is because he looks and talks just like the rest of the loyal citizens.
Then there were the cultists. Many, very many people were in cults. Ah! Cults! Scary, dark, satanic cults! They all should have been burned at the stake! Cultists! Those Seventh-day Adventists never could see their error in resurrecting the Old Testament Sabbath from the grave where our Lord consigned it after His resurrection. But thankfully many SDA’s saw the light and came over to worship on Sunday—the LORD’s Day—and abandoned their old stubborn error. They were persuaded and rescued from the fate of the obstreperous Adventists who persisted in the illegal ancient Sabbath. The good SDA’s kept their jobs and houses and retirement accounts and their freedom and their lives! The others were true cultists and deserved their execution or lifetime imprisonment. They should have all been tortured to death. Maybe they were; hopefully they were.
But all that trouble is past now. No more terrorists and cultists. Peace reigns. Everybody is happy. Thank God. Thank you, Jesus. We are so blessed! God bless America, Christian America! Long live the Pope, Holy Father! God bless the holy Inquisition and further its cause in keeping America clean of the irreligious. Hail our president for his strong stance against an unchurched America, whipping the rebels into shape, and calming down all the unrest that came from the previous era of hedonism! Hail Pope and President! What a team! We are free from the confusion and drudgery of Protestantism. Let Evangelicalism reign! Let Ecumenism continue to restore the peace we lost because of our old blasphemous sectarianism handed down to us from Protestantism. We are all one Christian church now, world round. God bless Ecumenism. God bless the baptism of the Holy Ghost. God bless praise music. God bless prayer in schools. God bless celebration churches. Praise Jesus. Praise God. Thank you, Holy Ghost.
Everyone is going to church; no one is going to work. Across the land, the United States finally has arrived where the colonies failed—100% church attendance! What a wonderful day it is! Whole families going to church together, sitting together on one pew, listening to the priest or preacher give his homily and read a few verses from the NIV or Vulgate.
What a wonderful day. Church coffers are full because people are flowing into her doors throughout the land and doing what the state requires—give liberally—or the Internal Revenue Service will get involved. And pastors know the income of their parishioners because the IRS informs the licensed church treasurers. Finally pastors and priests and church conferences won’t want for funds. Pastors will live well off; community services will afford nice programs for the drug users, prostitutes, and disabled obese. What a wonderful day this is.
How nice it is to spend Sunday morning, not in Bible study, but worshipping God and Pope and country. Worship, baptism of the Holy Ghost, freely speaking in tongues and prophesying. How nice that no thought will ever weigh anyone down again that there is a world outside the church doors that is heckling us as worthless or crazy church fanatics. Or, at the least, it will be nice to not be ignored by the majority as they all go about their pleasure seeking on Sunday, oblivious of God.
How nice it is to have Sunday as a family day, a picture-perfect scene of families at church together, having a picnic lunch together at the park or beach, fathers playing with their kids, pushing them in the swing set or the merry-go-round. Just like the 50’s. Then they all go home before dark and watch some movies or sitcoms and go to bed. Nice, peaceful, perfect.
It took an act of Congress and decree from the White House and some deliberation by the Supreme Court, but utopia has settled on the land, and it was worth the fight to obtain it. What fight? How were all of the secular, hedonistic, atheistic urchins convinced to make Sunday a church and family day?
At first, the Muslims became a threat to our country. Islam was out-populating Christianity around the world and now at home in the U.S. Then, after some sword jangling, they tried to blow up our world trade center in 1993 and finally succeeded in 2001 by careening two hijacked planes right into the two giant buildings, knocking them both down in under 2 hours of burning; a third building fell also without being hit, but that must have been because, well, somehow. But we know the Muslims did all that damage.
And evidently there were Muslim terrorist cells riddling our fair land, like we saw at Waco and the OK City Murrah building. But our well-informed government was able to immediately locate the terrorists and publicly try and execute them. It was bloody mess to hunt down men and women and children, old and young who turned out to be terrorists. They looked just like normal Americans, but they were terrorists. Some of them made their confessions at Guantanamo bay; so we know they were all terrorists, as our president informed us. How scary that so many terrorists were living among us—our next door neighbors! How sinister of them to be so helpful and joyful around us! Now we know it was all an act to try to enlist us into their terrorism plots! How could we almost be deluded! I would never have suspected some of those people ever to want to be a terrorist. But that’s what happens when terrorism spreads around in a country and infects the very citizens themselves. Then no one knows who the terrorist is because he looks and talks just like the rest of the loyal citizens.
Then there were the cultists. Many, very many people were in cults. Ah! Cults! Scary, dark, satanic cults! They all should have been burned at the stake! Cultists! Those Seventh-day Adventists never could see their error in resurrecting the Old Testament Sabbath from the grave where our Lord consigned it after His resurrection. But thankfully many SDA’s saw the light and came over to worship on Sunday—the LORD’s Day—and abandoned their old stubborn error. They were persuaded and rescued from the fate of the obstreperous Adventists who persisted in the illegal ancient Sabbath. The good SDA’s kept their jobs and houses and retirement accounts and their freedom and their lives! The others were true cultists and deserved their execution or lifetime imprisonment. They should have all been tortured to death. Maybe they were; hopefully they were.
But all that trouble is past now. No more terrorists and cultists. Peace reigns. Everybody is happy. Thank God. Thank you, Jesus. We are so blessed! God bless America, Christian America! Long live the Pope, Holy Father! God bless the holy Inquisition and further its cause in keeping America clean of the irreligious. Hail our president for his strong stance against an unchurched America, whipping the rebels into shape, and calming down all the unrest that came from the previous era of hedonism! Hail Pope and President! What a team! We are free from the confusion and drudgery of Protestantism. Let Evangelicalism reign! Let Ecumenism continue to restore the peace we lost because of our old blasphemous sectarianism handed down to us from Protestantism. We are all one Christian church now, world round. God bless Ecumenism. God bless the baptism of the Holy Ghost. God bless praise music. God bless prayer in schools. God bless celebration churches. Praise Jesus. Praise God. Thank you, Holy Ghost.
posted by David | 12:46 PM
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